I miss blogging...

...Though I know it's mostly because I miss getting to take new

pictures of Haley-bug everyday. Oh my little Sweet Pea, how I miss

you so.

I do have a few pictures of Bug that I'd never had a chance to post - ones from the last few days before the hospital that were on my

camera but not yet on my computer. So in the interest of stretching them out and making them last for more posts, I will only put one

up at a time (though many of them are very similar). I know I could never pick just one out of a series anyway, and now I will have to

ration the cuteness.

The Rose Beyond the Wall

A rose once grew

where all could see,

sheltered beside

a garden wall.

And, as the days

passed swiftly by,

it spread its branches,

straight and tall...

One day,

a beam of light shone through

a crevice that had opened wide -

The rose bent gently

toward its warmth

then passed beyond

to the other side...

Now,

you who deeply feel its loss,

be comforted -

the rose blooms there -

Its beauty greater now,

nutured

by God's own loving care.

This is a poem on one of the sympathy cards we received today,

and it really touched me. This is how I picture our Haley now, still

blooming, beautiful, and happy - and now her heart is whole at

last. I know she is not sad, that all my sadness is for myself. I'm

selfish and want her here with me. Dying doesn't scare me, but I

have always been afraid of losing those I love. And now that my

worst fear has come true, I know that that fear was well founded

because the ache it leaves inside me is terrible. The selfish part of

me wants her here so bad, I would do anything to have her back.

Though I know she is in a better place now, that she is home and

resting, that she is blooming ever more beautiful, I still want her

back in my arms. I cannot imagine that even the most selfless

person could want anything but this of their own child as well, so I

will forgive myself I suppose. But oh, how I want her.