I think smells trigger the strongest memories

Haley-Bug snuggled in her favorite blanket, being rocked by Daddy in our most amazing rocking chair that we got just for our little Bug who loved to be rocked more than anything. (Well, eventually being walked surpassed being rocked!) She liked it when Daddy wore his pink shirt all the time, it's sort of his 'I-have-an-adorable-pink-baby-girl Pride' shirt! :)

I remember the weight of her in my arms, snoozing while I rocked her, perfectly. And right now I can remember her amazing baby lotion, dreft, and indescribable baby smell so well that it's impossible to believe she's not right here. I've held many other babies since last I held Haley, and only cousin Ryan has even come close to smelling like her. He was close enough I think I could've just stood around, closed my eyes, and smelled him all day - but he might've gotten a little creeped out with that! For awhile Haley's one blanket still smelled like her. I folded it up carefully with the best smelling part inside, and once in awhile when I really needed it I could go bury my face in that smell. Only inhaling mind you, never exhaling on that precious blanket. But much to my dismay it did not last. Now I can only smell her in my mind, but it's amazing how real it is. I think the only other smell I have that's that distinct in my mind is the smell of airbags after they've gone off (can you tell I've been in a couple car wrecks?) And as acrid and distinct as that smell is in my brain, as vivid of memories it brings up and how the smell of it comes to be randomly or I might smell it when we drive by an accident and it makes my heart race, I can't just make it magically appear when I want to. (Though I don't know why I'd want to...) But Haley, Haley I can smell anytime I want to if I just think about it hard enough. I love it, I love that I can do that, and it terrifies me that with time I might lose that ability. I don't want to forget a single second of Haley or of my life with Haley, and I pray to God that I don't ever lose that smell. But that airbag smell hangs in there, even though it's been 5+ years, so I hope that the much better, longer exposure, infinitely more craved smell of Haley will last for at least the next 50 years. And hopefully it's always available on demand. It's crazy what you can cling to when you have to.